You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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