I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
