So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
