Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
