I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
