last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
