There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
im on a boat
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