i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
