I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
