she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we made out on top of his cat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
