Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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