So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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