whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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