So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
