1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
