If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
