apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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