i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
