you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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