he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
