Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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