Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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