i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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