there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
