Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
