so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
