My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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