we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
