last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
