proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
