did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
