My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
