Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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