She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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