Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
