Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
