whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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