remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
