You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
