youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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