so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
