Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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