Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
