I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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