yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
