hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
