I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
