she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
