She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
