She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
