I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
