like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
