Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
