your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
