Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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